Sample Issue - Issue 5, Volume 1

Where's The Sell?
Over the years, I must have written hundreds of television commercials, probably thousands. Some worked well and some others fetched a mediocre response, but just as with other branches of advertising, TV is essentially a hit-and-miss business. Yet, good or bad, inherent in every one of them was an old-fashioned commodity called sell. They contained sell because that was the object of the exercise: to sell something.

Well, I confess myself baffled - which is usually a not too difficult state of mind for me to be in, since I am getting old and I drink a little. What has me baffled is the current preponderance of television commercials that have no sell in them whatsoever. Not the merest hint of a sniff of it.

The main offenders are commercials for car manufacturers. Now, you don't have to know the commercials in question to get the drift of what I'm saying. I simply ask you to take my word that the following examples are fair and honest representations.

The first is for a model called the Renault Megane. In the tv spot, we are given a succession of shots depicting people shaking their rear ends uncontrollably - and quite charming some of those rear ends are, too. But that's beside the point.

The audio for the film is, I believe, a pop song, which runs along the lines of: "I see you, baby, shakin' that ass…shakin' that ass," etcetera.

After a lot of behinds have been shaken, we get to the pack-shot (as it used to be called), which is the rear end of the motor car in question, plus a pop-on that reads: Shake It.

There have so far been two commercials in this campaign, both roughly along the same lines. I admit that, in one, we are told that the human derriere is considered important when designing a car and, in the both, the back end of the car does, admittedly, have a strange shape. But the question is begged. Would a succession of bottoms, plus a fairly explicit, but rather silly, jingle excite you to the point where you might go and find out more about the Renault Megane? I take leave to doubt it.

Allow me to give you another example, this time for the Vauxhall Astra. The commercial takes us through a succession of driving situations, complete with caption. Thus, a traffic jam shot tells us: Go to Hell. And a scenic shot tells us: Go to Heaven. While a shot of the Do Not Disturb sign on a hotel door tells us Go To Bed. Are you with me so far? Good.

In another scene, the female passenger removes her briefs and throws them out of the car window. There is a message written on the knickers, it says: Go Commando - whatever the hell that means. (I must say that the last time that happened to me, the young woman concerned was smilingly asking for five quid. But that's another story.) Anyway, the commercial finishes with a pack shot of the Astra, plus the super: Go Drive.

Wow, after all these years, I have finally discovered that you can drive a car in traffic, you can drive it in the countryside and also to a hotel. Absolutely amazing. What a revelation. I reckon the Creative Director of the advertising agency responsible for this spot should be knighted immediately, as a reward for his excellent public service.

Which brings us to a spot for the Renault Scenic. According to the commercial, this car behaves like a dog. It can't wait to get out of the garage, it excitedly dashes all over the place, chases cats, and it has a rear windscreen wiper that wags like a tail. It will even run after a thrown stick. All this is done of its own volition, without a driver.

I think the underlying message here is that if you've always wanted to own a dog and a car, but couldn't afford both, then this is the car to buy. Or maybe not, as the case may be.

Finally, let me draw your attention to a car called the Kia. I was thrilled to learn, via the tagline at the end of a tv spot for this vehicle that it is: The Car That Cares.

Forgive me while I roll on the floor laughing. This is beyond ludicrous. How can an inanimate object made up of bits of metal and plastic possibly care about anything? Equally ludicrous are the concepts behind the other ads mentioned above.

No question about it, car manufacturers seem to have taken leave of their collective senses running commercials that have no rhyme or reason, and absolutely no sell. Either that, or they don't know any better.

I suspect it is the latter.

Whatever the case, I urge you when you are trying to promote something (in print, on radio or television), ignore the idiocies of the car people and give your market a reason for buying the product. Experience shows that people buy when they know exactly what it is they are buying, and what it will do for them when they do. Q.E.D.

Cuff Note 9
A couple of correspondents to this newsletter say that they are having trouble writing body copy for ads. Their problem seems to be the age-old one of how to kick things off - how to make a start. Can I help? Of course, I can.

When you have been writing copy as long as I have, you will come to understand that there is an unwritten formula for writing copy. While I shudder at the thought of formulae in advertising, there is no doubt that copy should follow a logical sequence. A sequence that takes its lead from the message in the main headline.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, every headline should contain some kind of offer or promise. At risk of repeating myself, it should contain a benefit along the lines of: Buy this product and get this benefit. If it doesn't do this, then to my mind there is no point in running the ad.

Ok - assuming that you have written a benefit-ridden headline, it follows that the first line of body copy should reinforce that benefit. It should enlarge upon it. It should take the initial promise and make more of it - much more. In other words, it should be a more verbose rendering of the headline statement.

It should not, decidedly not, be talking about something entirely different from what is contained in the headline - as a lot of so-called copywriters tend to do. This merely diverts your prospect's attention from your major proposition. Always remember that the reason he is bothering to read your body copy is because he has been intrigued by your headline. He wants to be sure he has understood the message.

All right, with the opening para written, the rest should write itself. Your second para should talk about the features of the product. How it works. What it does. How fast it operates - that kind of thing. And if it has a lot of features, expand your writing into a third and fourth paragraphs if necessary.

This done, your penultimate para should refer back to the headline - once again reiterating the benefit. After that, all you need is a call-to-action paragraph; one that describes where, how and when the product can be bought.

And that, in a nutshell, is how to construct body copy. The formula, however, is not set in stone. Just so long as your first paragraph is always a re-work of the headline message, you can do more or less what you wish with the rest of it.

Simple - isn't it?

Quote Of The Month
'Take my factories and my money, but leave me my salesmen, and I'll be right back where I am today in two years time.'
Andrew Carnegie

Cuff Note 10
It often happens - no, it usually happens - that advertisers, once they have run a campaign explaining the basic advantages of their product or service, think that this particular job has been done more or less for good and all.

They see and see again their own ads plugging these basics; they see their competitors' ads doing the same thing; and they come to the conclusion that the whole world knows about it and is rapidly tiring of hearing about these primary product properties.

This is a conclusion which is sometimes justified; but more often it is vastly mistaken. Customers as a race are only about one-tenth as aware of your product or service as you think - and about one-twentieth as knowledgeable as you hope.

Always remember that when you run a campaign, you are preaching to the indifferent. You are talking to people who would care more about leaving their umbrella on a train than about news of you leaping under one.

Generally speaking, nobody gives a flying flinch about you or your products. There is, therefore, a lot to be said for keeping on plugging away at the simple, straightforward product-advantages or sales propositions that you have to offer.

The truth is, an ad campaign has a longer life than anyone associated with it thinks it has. So, if you have a campaign that projects your product benefits sensibly and forcibly, run it until you are absolutely sure that everyone is fed up to the back teeth with it. Then give it another twelve months for luck.

If you're stuck with copywriting problems, or suffering from writers block or can't quite come up with that elusive headline may I recommend our own sales writers' resource e-book Word Power III?

You'll find ready-made copy such as headlines, tag lines, link lines, calls to action, price defenders, guarantees and more, which you can lift straight from the page and adopt or adapt.

You'll also discover a sales writers' thesaurus in the form of a theme finder, which will cure writers block forever. You can see it at: www.wordpower3.com

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